7 Femmes Butches Should Stay Away From

I don’t know if it’s the way butches are wired, but it seems that they neglect their personal life when they are in a relationship and, when they get out, they have problems finding new femmes to hang out with or date.

When a butch is in that weird post-breakup mental and physical place, it’s easy to attract strange femmes and end up not knowing how to get rid of them.

Here are some femmes any butch would better off staying away from:

The attention seeker (aka Calamity is my second name). Her house burnt down. Her dog needed expensive surgery. Her butch left her. Her kids needed a father figure. Her whole family got cancer. Right after that her house burnt down again. Her dog died. The same butch left her again. Her kids got in trouble at school. Her house flooded this time. Her favorite dress got ruined right before a black tie event. She needed surgery… All lies. Among other things, people have seen her running up and down Home Depot’s aisles when she was supposed to be home recovering from a surgery. You know what? She doesn’t need you. What she needs is therapy and probably medication.

The one that believes lesbians don’t need to use protection. She won’t use dental dams, finger cots or condoms and she looks at you as if you had seven heads when you talk about getting tested for STDs and STIs. Don’t walk away from her: RUN!

The one who is taken. She may be someone’s girlfriend or living with the butch already: stay the hell away from her. If she is the codependent type or simply messed up, she will confess to the affair, her home sex life will improve thanks to you, and she’ll get rid of you… till she feels her partner is not paying enough attention to her and contacts you to restart the cycle. If you are her “exit affair”, if she leaves the butch for you, there’s no guarantee she won’t do the same thing to you down the road. As the old saying goes: “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Don’t do that to yourself.

The one who is a control freak. Her last girlfriend cheated on her and she believes that gives her the right to have access to your cell phone records, bank statements, email accounts, and, of course, Facebook, MySpace, and twitter profiles. She also expects to know where you are going, what you are doing, and with whom (who is she? your mother?). Stay away from this one because no matter how cute you think all of this psychotic behavior is at the beginning of your relationship, she has the potential to isolate you really fast.

The cock tease. She will have you pay for tickets, hotel, and meals during the annual Butch Femme April Dance in New York or the Butch Femme Bash elsewhere – she’ll probably tell you she has a headache or send you to get another room saying she didn’t know it was a date (yes, because you were going to pay for her expenses out of the kindness of your sweet butch heart). She will accept your invitation to spend the weekend in Fire Island or P-Town, won’t give you any, and will tell you the relationship is not working for her when you drop her off on Sunday evening (why didn’t she tell you on Thursday so that you had time to cancel the reservations?).

The hippie chick. She eats tofu, smells like patchouli, doesn’t wear deodorant, doesn’t shave her legs or armpits, is into biodanza and spirituality, and hasn’t read a book in her life. She’ll break your heart when she cheats on you and justifies it with an “our energies weren’t in the same place any more, I know we can still be good friends”. She may also leave you for a bio-male and expect you to be his best man on their wedding.

The one who still lives with her husband. Whether she’s just coming out or has stayed in the marriage “for the kids”, stay away from her. Too many issues, too much drama, and potential STDs that you don’t need.

9 thoughts on “7 Femmes Butches Should Stay Away From

  1. Very good advice I’m learning a lot and I need to because my experiences have not been good ones!!

  2. “The One Who is Taken” sounds familiar. LOL.

    On “The One Who is Still Married” – I was married to a man once. I didn’t persue any Lesbian relationships or even come out until the divorce is finished. I could have sooner, but I didn’t think it was fair or right to any woman I would be with. If she’s not leaving, she probably isn’t going to.

    1. I second that one Barb. Some women want to have their cake and eat it too … I was also once married and didn’t date my first woman until after the divorce was finished. Now I did indeed come out to *myself* in the last year of my marriage — that was a huge step for me psychologically and gave me the courage to leave in the first place — and I sought friendships (and I do mean friendships) with other lesbians during my separation as an important part of my coming out process, but I needed those two years to figure myself out and get my head together, so that I would be really ready for a serious relationship with a woman. I agree that it is a matter of being fair and honest.

  3. I happen to know the “cock tease.” However, if this keeps happening to me, then it’s my fault!

    1. I’m much too horny a femme to be a cock tease — LOL! I’ve never even understood that mentality.

  4. Interesting article, Maria! You know, I know a whole lot of straight women who exhibit these same behaviors.

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