The One You Can’t Have


There is much literature involving the mystique around The One That Got Away or The One That Made All The Difference. What about The One You Can’t Have Because You Can’t Always Get What You Want?

Mine is a sexilicious butch in her late 50s, an awkward old witchy hag with no sense of humor who needs to get laid. Yes, she is a great catch and she knows it. We were once acquaintances, she rubbed me the wrong way, and I told her what I thought of her via email. She didn’t read between the lines. Apparently we haven’t seen the same Hollywood movies because she didn’t call me, she didn’t show up at my apartment with flowers, she didn’t stand outside my window with a boombox, and she didn’t tie me down and spank my bare ass till it was bright red either. Rumor has it that I really hurt her feelings because this was over a year ago and she still doesn’t want to be around me. Ouch.

Though she has issues (who doesn’t?), I sometimes find myself thinking about her. Make that “many times.” I wonder if I should pick up the phone and call her to apologize, making a fool of myself one last time. Why telling her I’m dying to lick her old and wrinkled neck? Why telling her I want to bite her ancient and luscious lips till they bleed? She scares the shit out of me and I’d probably chicken out if she asked me out for coffee so why am I starting something I’m not going to be able to finish?

What would happen if I called? Would she pick up the phone? Would she let it go to voice mail? Would she accept my apology? Would she tell me I’m a spoiled brat that needs to be butch-handled and extend an invitation for dinner and some spanking at her place?

What would happen if we went on a date? Would she bore the shit out of me? Would I bore her? Would she be judgmental and rude like she’s been with other femmes (allegedly)? Would I still be interested? Would I take her home to meet my (imaginary) dog? Would she give me bad vibes, talk “too much” or turn out to be an ass like some of the butches over 50 I’ve seen since?

What would happen if we had sex? Would she be able to keep up with me? Would she wear me out? Would I like it or would I leave her apartment texting my friends that “I’ve had better” the morning after? Would she call me within 24 hours? Would I pick up the phone? She already has my number so giving her a fake number is not a possibility.

So — do you want someone you can’t have? What are you doing about it?

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5 thoughts on “The One You Can’t Have

  1. Catherine Kemelmacher says:

    In my case, the person I thought of for a time as “The One I Can’t Have” actually, with some time and space, I came to realize was “The One I Needed to Stay Far Away From.” I am glad I took some time to heal and have moved on. I am only interested in women over 50, being such a one myself! I think the wondering is offering you hours and hours of fascinating fantasy, which is quite lovely in its own right, isn’t it? I am fairly sure the reality could NEVER live up to what’s going on in your mind! 😛

    • María Lapachet says:

      >> I am fairly sure the reality could NEVER live up to what’s going on in your mind!

      True dat! LOL I think everything happens for a reason and we were not meant to be together. I’m trying to stick to butches under 50 for a change. Will keep you posted on how that goes :p

    • BarbRyan says:

      Kathy dear, you are one smart Femme!

      I found myself in the same situation. And it was stopping me from moving on in my life and maybe finding the right one for me. I finally just cut myself off from her.

      I’ll stick with big, strong, intellectual butches under 40, who wear slacks and button-down shirts. LOL.

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