1. Regardless of how yummy s/he looks, not every butch over 50 is dating material or a good rebound lay.
2. Monosyllabic butches make fine flavors of the week.
3. Karma is indeed a bitch.
4. I’m an uptight femme living in a fluid world. Is it me or lately everyone in the Butch-Femme community is dating anyone other than a butch or a femme?
5. Hitachi doesn’t have a customer service line set up for magic wand users. Shame on you, Hitachi! Shame on you!
6. To some, my IDing as a butch/stone butch loving femme equals oppressing transmen. Applying their logic, I oppress bio-males too because I don’t sleep with them, right? Bitch pleeze!
7. To stay away from people who can’t be alone. Relationship or friendship wise, their inability to enjoy a good book, a movie, music, meditation or doing whatever they like to do on their down time often interrupts my ME time.
8. To pick my friends wisely. Loyalty is a foreign concept to many in the Butch-Femme community (at least in the circles I move in). I’m thankful for the few wonderful butches and femmes I call my friends.
9. Life is great when you believe that it’s great.
10. To take everything I hear with a grain of salt. Some people have too much free time, vivid imaginations, and ulterior motives.
11. Not everyone is full of shit but full of shit people certainly know how to find me.
12. Some femmes will throw other femmes under the bus without even thinking about it – especially if they are partnered and see you as a potential threat.
13. To bite my tongue and not give a piece of my mind to said femmes. I just walk away and let it go.
14. Some butches need Safe Sex 101 refreshers.
15. Some butches hate seafood and pubic hairs.
16. Manners make the butch.
17. An asshole is an asshole is an asshole is an asshole. 75% of the times the bigger the paycheck, the bigger the asshole.
18. That a butch is forgetful doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m forgettable. However, being with someone who either has juvenile Alzheimer’s or selective memory is a complete waste of time and energy and I simply won’t subject myself to it.
19. I have a love/hate relationship with PDAs. Show me you like me the old fashioned way (holding hands, hugging, kissing, spooning, etc) and I’ll be happier than a fat kid locked overnight inside a candy store without parental supervision. Tell everyone how much you love me on Facebook, MySpace, twitter or your blog while ignoring me and I won’t be so happy. Furthermore, I will tell your online posse what a douche-bag you are in real life.
20. To live without credit cards.
21. Just when I thought I had heard it all, someone came up with some unbelievable new bullshit.
22. I have even less tolerance I thought I had for cry babies. I may even get “Stop bitching about this and do something productive with your life” cards printed for the next time someone tries to talk my ear off without doing anything to solve her real or imaginary problems.
23. Butches have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you come home and s/he doesn’t have on her strap, make her a sandwich (stolen from @studsvsfemmes).
24. If a butch sounds crazy, s/he is crazy.
25. You don’t get a butch – at least not She Who Shall Remain Nameless – by stroking her ego. You don’t get a butch by being her mother, maid, doctor, or therapist either – at least not my kind of butch.
26. I’m going to be single for the rest of my fucking life!
27. I love cats.
28. To pick my battles and think twice before saying/texting/emailing something I may regret later. Not because somehow I’m now more empathetic or a better person, but simply out of laziness and not wanting to reduce my fuckeable butches pool.
29. To leave it alone. “It” being anything from a butch who doesn’t give me the time of the day to a femme spreading rumors or another femme with Mother Theresa complex acting as if no one knew she cheated on her ex. At the end of the day, it’s just one less funeral to go to.
30. To let them talk. 5 years from now those talking shit about me will be nowhere to be found. So if a butch or a femme wants to spread rumors about me they can go ahead: talk and make me famous.
31. To cook some mean recipes on my new crock pot: Italian chicken, curried chicken, Schezuan chicken… See a trend there? 2011 is The Year of the Beef!
32. I’m tired of being strong all the time.
So, what did YOU learn last year?