A friend just asked me if I know my way around a Samsung Mesmerize (I think it’s an iPhone, I may be wrong) to see if her butch is cheating on her. I must be the only lesbian without an iPhone so I don’t know how to spy on my friend’s butch. I don’t understand why my friend puts up with that shit. Regardless of whether her butch cheats on her or not, when the trust is gone, the trust is gone. Why be with someone whose behavior makes you think s/he’s cheating? There’s something obviously wrong with that picture.
Another friend makes all sorts of excuses to cover up for her butch’s hitting her. When s/he’s not hitting my friend, s/he’s verbally abusing her, and, when s/he’s not verbally abusing her, s/he’s throwing the first thing s/he finds (an iron, the DVD player, shoes… you get the picture) at her. My friend says she’s not going to throw away a 6 year relationship and that things will go back to normal once the butch settles in at her new job. I don’t care if you’ve been married 20 years and the butch is the President of the United States of America. There’s no excuse for domestic violence. Period.
Another friend tells me she’s fed up with her butch’s chatting with other women on Facebook. They talked about it months ago, my friend thought her butch had stopped doing it, but s/he kept doing it behind her back. Furthermore, the butch is PMing other femmes on the Butch Femme Matchmaker. My friend thinks it’s ok to give her another chance. Another chance to do what? To keep dating you while s/he looks for a plan B in case things between you two don’t work out? To leave you as soon as s/he finds someone better? Girl, cut your losses and get a magic wand!
A femme I know gets aggravated because no matter how many times she asks, her partner never does anything around the house despite being a stay-at-home butch. Cooking, dusting, vacuuming, the laundry… it’s the femme who ends up doing those things in the evening after work or during the weekend. The femme also has to remind the butch about her doctor’s appointments and do her taxes for her. I repeat: this is a stay-at-home butch. What is s/he doing all day?! They don’t even have sex anymore so I don’t get what the femme is getting out of that relationship.
What’s going on in the Butch-Femme world? Am I the only one who puts her foot down? Am I the only one who doesn’t want a butch to slow her down? Any amount of time spent with the above butches is wasted time. Most of my friends want it all – a career, kids, and sometimes marriage. How can you think about having a career or kids when your full time job is spying on your butch, babysitting her or tiptoeing around her so that s/he doesn’t hit you? What’s so scary about being single? What lies do these femmes tell themselves to keep themselves locked in those situations? Don’t get me wrong – I learned to not give too many chances the hard way. Everyone knows I’ve dated idiots that one should run away from as soon as she sees them coming. In my defense I must say that, as a writer, I always see a story till the end. As fucked up as it sounds, I knew they were idiots and I gave them enough rope to hang themselves proving me right. What can I say? Lesbian drama makes great writing material!
I asked my friends: “when is enough, enough?” One told me: “you don’t understand because you are single,” throwing that “single” out there as if being single was a terminal disease. Another one said: “when you are in a relationship you compromise.” Compromise. Nice word. Since when is “compromising” a synonym of “being a spineless doormat that lets a butch cheat on you”? Shouldn’t compromise be a two-way street?