My Top 5 Dream Jobs


Why I want to be a secretary: Would love to work from the floor, address my butch/stone butch boss as Sir, wear light restraints, and get spanked because I don’t know how to make coffee.

Why I’m not a good fit for this position: I wouldn’t get much work done intentionally. He he!

Forensic Specialist

Why I want to be a forensic specialist: after watching The Silence of the Lambs, The X Files, Law & Order: SVU, and every episode of Forensic Files, I feel the need to poke, probe, cut, open, and slice dead bodies.

Why I’m not a good fit for this position: it’s not that I’m not a good fit. It’s that you need to study for like 20 years to get a degree and the specialization and I’m plain lazy.

FBI Agent

Why I want to be a FBI agent: I’ve watched one too many The X Files episodes. Do I need to say more?

Why I’m not a good fit for this position: When things got tough, I wouldn’t go after the bad guys. I would turn to my butch/stone butch partner and ask her if s/he wants to fuck. Hey if I’m going to die, I want to die happy!

Serial Killer

Why I want to be a serial killer a la Jigsaw or Dexter: why not?

Why I’m not a good fit for this position: I have zero strength so I wouldn’t be able to lift bodies on my own, I get killer migraines (the smell of the blood and/or cleaning supplies could make them worse), and I shed more hair than a dog – with DNA testing and all I would get caught in 2 seconds.

Kept Femme

Why I want to be a kept femme: it would be nice to have someone else worrying about paying the bills while I wrote, went to museums, got waxed, got manicures and pedicures, and left the kids with our Spaniard gay bio-male sitter (oh yeah, I have it all planned!).

Why I’m not a good fit for this position: my maternal instinct is on a permanent vacation and there’s only so much writing I could do. 8-10 free hours a day gives me a lot of time to get bored and sleep around.

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One thought on “My Top 5 Dream Jobs

  1. Ever since I watched Secretary, I’m waiting for the lesbian version. I might film it myself, it would have less plot and more spanking and sex. I’m so invested in offering lesbian bdsm po… errrr erot… art, that I’m willing to get bruised.

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