When I’m Good, I’m Very Good


I am the femme your butch thinks about when you are in bed. Sometimes she tells you, sometimes she doesn’t, but she thinks about me. Why wouldn’t she? I am younger, more creative, more sensual, more sexual, funnier, and crazier than you will ever be. Obscure objects of desire don’t nag, do laundry, or walk around with unshaven legs or the same sweatpants all day, day in and day out. Or do we?

Your butch may openly flirt with me in front of your friends or right under your nose while we all pretend it’s innocent flirting and laugh as I put her back in her place telling her, for the 11th time, that I wouldn’t touch that with a 20 foot pole. Sometimes I have a wiseass comeback to remind her about you – I ask her how you are doing or what you would think about her asking me to leave a party to grab some fresh air or meet her elsewhere for a quick rendezvous.

I am the femme who has your back. I may not know you well, we may be friends, we may have been friends and stopped talking at some point because we got sick and tired of each other or because your jealousy got in the middle or our friendship… but I’ve still got your back. I do not mess around with married, happily partnered, unhappily partnered, and/or otherwise spoken for butches.

Your butch may PM me on Facebook, DM me on twitter, send me an email from an email account you know nothing about or call me from a pay phone. If you are one of those femmes with spy fever, you would see or hear that all she gets back from me are short, straight to the point answers reminding her that I don’t fuck taken butches and to leave me alone until she’s single. I publicly admit that the last part caused a couple of break ups – but I didn’t encourage them in any way. I didn’t promise a date or sex once they were single.

I am the femme (the stupid femme I should say) who may like a taken butch but, when said butch knocks on my door to bitch about her partner, sends her back home or suggests individual therapy, couples’ counseling, a sex therapist, splurging on sex toys, buying a magic wand, putting her heart into fundraising or volunteering at a local LGBT youth shelter… anything but sleeping with me, talking to me or thinking about me. I am the femme who doesn’t see a couples’ crisis as an opportunity to break them up and end up in bed with the butch. I am the femme who turns butches she likes down because she put some other femme’s feelings first even if I have never met said femme (or butch, shout out to butches who love butches!).

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