Slow Dating


Most butches assume I’m taken. I’m such a great catch on paper that no one can believe no butch has made a decent kept femme out of me yet. Those who don’t assume I’m taken are intimidated (that I write porn and this blog isn’t helping). They see me as too strong, too independent, too honest, too busy, too complicated, too out of their league, too much to handle… Either all of that or I’m hideous and none of my friends has the heart to tell me.

Some butches find me sick or annoying and that is ok with me (it’s their loss after all). To make things worse, I’m a 2×4 femme. Unless a butch throws a “date” in the conversation, I don’t think I’m going out on a date.

I’m aware of my limitations: (A) nine out of ten times I chicken out and say no or cancel the date. Truth be told, I’d rather stay home writing or playing with my magic wand than wasting my time getting ready and going through a date, and (B) when I date, I tend to fuck myself in the head by jumping in bed too fast. Nine out of ten times, if I sleep with a butch, she’s going to call the day after and the day after and the day after and I’m going to ignore her calls because I already got my milk and don’t need to buy that cow.

So, in an effort to be more approachable and less of a slut, this year I’m deliberately being more open to dating. If a butch asks me out on a “date,” I say yes without pulling out my long list of reasons not to date (providing she’s relatively sane and there are no red flags). That takes care of A.

Now when it comes to B, how do I slow things down? I basically sabotage myself to make sure there’s no way in hell that X butch/stone butch will get her hands in my panties or see me naked on the first date:

– I don’t shave/wax my legs or bikini line.

– I wear jeans or pants (especially if it’s a weekday, after work date).

– I wear ugly, mismatched undies.

– I make sure my house is a mess so, even if I’m tempted to stop by CVS to buy razors and shaving foam in a hurry, there is still no way I’m taking said butch/stone butch back to my place.

– if I’m between hair colorings, I cover the grays with hair mascara which is good from a distance but doesn’t look good enough for an up close and personal encounter.

– I do not talk about sex before, during or after the date. I let them think it’s their idea and, since they are all gentlemen, that guarantees no hanky panky till the 3rd or 4th date.

– I do not carry condoms, dental dams, and finger cots with me. This is really what does stop me from having sex: all of the above can be fixed with a quick stop by a store that’s open 24/7 but you can’t find dental dams or finger cots in most pharmacies. I never have sex with strangers without protection. Ever. Yes, I know the low risk of a lesbian getting AIDS/HIV but there are hundreds of other STDs/STIs and most women don’t walk around with a banner that reads: “watch out! The owner of this clit has chlamydia.”

I’m rolling my eyes at myself thinking: “are we playing hard to get now? Does this mean we will be playing the Damsel in Distress game (that I oh so much hate today) in 10 years?” I don’t know. I sincerely hope not.

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15 thoughts on “Slow Dating

  1. Victoria Oldham says:

    “and I’m going to ignore her calls because I already got my milk and don’t need to buy that cow.”

    too funny. Perhaps that should be something actually said over appetizers, so you can enjoy the physical without the Uhaul over morning coffee?

    • María Lapachet says:

      Thanks Victoria! Truth is a butch doesn’t need to wine & dine me to get in my pants and, honest to a fault me, I’ve normally disclosed that information before we get together. Again, I do not date. Unless the word “date” has been said by the other party, I don’t assume I’m on one. And I don’t go out for drinks or appetizers with my fotws (gives them the wrong idea) LOL

  2. Paula Adams says:

    lol…. sooooo, seeing the game plan, it all looks easy enough to overcome and conquer. lol

    Kind of wondering what it is about you that butches find sick… (that’s a slightly scary one)

    in college, I accidently went on two dates. It was weird sitting there eating and trying to follow the conversation. I was thinking, “What the hell? This conversation is really getting weird.” then the light flipped on and “what the hell” became “oh holy hell”, as in “Oh Holy Hell! This is a date …date!” Yeah, I can relate to the dating thing.

    So you posted this the 25th, how’s the slowing down thing working? lol

      • Paula Adams says:

        lol… i am a funny one alright. I wasn’t actually a lesbian then or rather i didn’t know I was.. being an athlete at a Woman’s University you would think I would have been one of the first to know instead of the last. It all worked out thanks to Mom telling me to stop being a jerk and try kissing girls. She said if I didn’t like it I didn’t have to try it again. I liked it. lol

        Ohhhh BDSM… right on, by the time folks get to know me then learn about my kinky side, they don’t seem to care. I have been rather lucky there too. The only problem I ever seem to have is the Dominas want a piece of my backside and it’s always the Femme ones.. LOL I seem to push Their Dominant buttons… no idea why.

        Too bad about your run of luck there, you seem pretty cool to me. I still want to know just how well that slow dating works out… You have me curious.

  3. lezbnfirefighter says:

    lol…. am i taken? That’s a complicated yet simple question, but let me ask this… if you have had a cold streak say a month with no date and finally a nice butch asks you out does that make the slow date game plan null and void because of the time in between datesor are you going to activate project Slow Date and not shave and wear unmatched undies and not clean the house and just go out for dinner?

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