What I Like About Butches


A friend challenged me to write “a piece about what you like about butches (not their cocks). Maybe one of those “putting positivity and light out to the Universe” or whatever those fake new age femmes say.” International Butch Appreciation Day is around the corner too and I wanted to write a little something but all I came up with was: “where do I begin to tell the story of how great a butch can be? The sweet love story that is older than the sea, that sings the truth about the love s/he brings to me. Where do I start?

While it’s hard to pin down what I like about butches without mentioning their hands, their asses, their other assets or how good they are in bed, there are hundreds of random things that melt me in a girlfriend and make me smile and want to hug my friends with appreciation.

Things like…

1. The way butches look nothing like me.

2. The way they smell.

3. Their fashion sense – love the Park Avenue, metrosexual type (cufflinks and ties) and the Brooklyn hipster with bowties.

4. How good they look in uniform.

5. When they have their shit together mentally, physically, and financially.

6. When they don’t hide the fact that they don’t have their shit together AND are working on it.

7. That they are strong, confident, and assertive without being assholes.

8. That they are bold and shy, strong and soft at the same time.

9. That they are ambitious, have their own goals and go after them.

10. That they support my goals and care about my future.

11. That they are not afraid of being alone and don’t need to jump from one relationship to another.

12. How they make me feel safe and protected when I’m with them – from making me walk on the inside of the street so that they get hit by a car first, waiting till I get in my cab before leaving, waiting till I’m in my apartment and turn on the lights before they pull out of my driveway, or asking me to call or text to make sure I got home safe.

13. The little things they do to make me feel appreciated and wanted: just because notes, out of the blue flowers, cooking my favorite meal, discretely biting my neck or running her hand down my back and grabbing my ass in a museum, squeezing my hand in a restaurant…

14. How they step up and run to Duane Reade for me to buy the most embarrassing things when I’m sick or have my period.

15. How they send me back to bed and clean the mess I left in the bathroom when I’m sick.

16. How they get up at 2 am and go find me mint chip ice cream, Hershey’s, and diet Pepsi when I’m PMSing.

17. How they keep their mouths shut when I’m craving Indian or Thai food knowing perfectly well there’s a strong chance they’ll end up cleaning the bathroom (see #15)

18. How they make me feel like I’m the most beautiful femme in the world even when I’m at my worst (see #15 & #17).

19. How they are all blind and don’t notice my stretch marks, cellulite, or bakery (you know, a muffin top x10).

20. That they let me run my nails thru their hair and caress their necks whenever and wherever I feel like it.

21. That they let me squeeze their hands, pinch their arms, or hide my face in their necks when we watch horror movies together (35-going-on-6 femme here thanks to Korean horror masters).

22. That they sit through the worst movies in history (Twilight) and listen to my ramblings.

23. Their artsy side. Love me some writers, singers, and musicians!

24. That they are not afraid of sitting in silence.

25. That they don’t need to be with me 24/7.

26. When they talk to me in other languages. Since I’m from Spain, New Yorkers with Brooklyn or Bronx accents and Southern butches with a drawl are my weakness even if half of the time I may not be sure of what they are saying.

27. How they don’t get offended when I tell them to zip it because I don’t want to hear another word about football or Tibet.

28. How they call me if they are in my area to offer me a ride to Target, Wal-Mart, the 99 cents, Ikea, and other suburban paradises to make my life easier (I don’t drive).

29. Their big bear hugs that can make the worst days go away.

30. Knowing they will drive or we’ll hail a cab when I’m wearing 5 inch heels.

31. Knowing they will hold the door for me, remove my coat, and pull out my chair. Chivalry ain’t dead, you all!

32. How they remember the smallest things – from a friend bringing me a shitload of diet Pepsi because she knows I’m addicted to the butch I’m dating’s getting tickets to a movie, Broadway show or play I mentioned to surprise me.

33. How they offer to carry my bags when we go shopping and know better than to take them from my hand (because I’m independent and can carry my own bags, thank you very much, unless I don’t want to and then I will let you know it’s your turn to carry them).

34. Knowing that when I’m with a butch I don’t have to be this ridiculously strong, on the go, type A, power femme 24/7.

35. The way they calm me down when I’m going stoopid crazy for some reason.

36. They way they know better than trying to calm me down when shit gets serious.

37. That they don’t think I’m selling out if and when I decide to wear make-up, a dress, a short skirt or something borderline slutty that a mainstream feminist lesbian would have problems with.

38. That they fix stuff around the house and/or find projects to spend time with me showing me that they care.

39. That they are quick to admit it when they can’t fix something and don’t have a problem in calling a licensed plumber, electrician, etc.

40. That they are not offended if I say I want “help” to paint my apartment “but only help because I’m an independent femme and can take care of myself,” even though they know that by “help” I mean: “you paint every room in a different color while I watch.”

41. That they put up with my crazy ideas – a “no questions asked” friend is teaching me how to cook. Once a month we buy ingredients together, we go to her place and I watch her cook. I told her it’s part of my submissive homework and she didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Bless her heart!

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13 thoughts on “What I Like About Butches

  1. DapperZ says:

    It’s good to hear these kinds of things. I’m a pretty confident butch but it’s tough sometimes to constantly hear negatives from inside and outside the community about butches. So thank you. 🙂

  2. Lee says:

    Well yes. I am butch and I always try to stay smelling nice with my colognes. I keep myself well groomed also. A nice short haircut. ;@)

  3. kit says:

    I agree 🙂 I’m proud that I’m in love with my butch! I just wanna ask how can I make my butch feel like I really love her, we’ve been together for 8 months she’s my very first butch. That is why I don’t know how can I make her feel that. I’m still not ready to come out as a femme because of some personal reasons but I’m quiet sure that time will come when I’m ready to shout at the top of my lungs that I’m in love with a woman. Hope it’ll turn out good. 🙂

    • María Lapachet says:

      Thanks for your comment, Kit. You asked how to make your butch feel really loved. To me, it’s all about the small details: a handwritten note, a card to celebrate every month you are together, downloading a playlist to her iPhone, not necessarily cook for her but pay attention and make sure we go to her favorite restaurant or get her favorite meal every once in a while… Not sure if this will make much sense, but focus on the person and not on the label. Don’t obsess about your degree of femmeness., being in or out as a femme. Be yourself. Don’t be afraid to hug, kiss, or touch your girlfriend. And, over all, tell her that you love her because butches can be very 2×4 and if you don’t say the words she may not get the message 😀

  4. kit says:

    Thank you so much for taking time to answer my question, I usually do some of those stuffs especially cooking. It made sense now when they say the best way through a butch’s heart is through her stomach. Well some my friends say that.to be honest she does all the work and I’m just sitting there on my couch while watching her, thinking where the hell did I find this amazing person. I’m making a lot of reading now a days on how to do this how to do that kind of things to gather some advices and information about butches. I admit I’m obssessed on making myself a better partner, she’s bringing out the best in me. That’s how much I love her. I’m really sorry for being so melodramatic. Yours is one of the best blogs I’ve seen so far. More power :).

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