I Do Not Hook Up… On Facebook


The voices in my head have been channeling Kelly Clarkson all weekend… Oh, no I do not hook up, up (*)… because of X number of butches who approached me on  Facebook last week saying they have read my poems, looked at my pictures, and gotten the feeling of that we would have a verrrrry good time together. My response? “I don’t do long distance and don’t do Facebook/online either. Sorry kid!” to each and every single one of them. What were they expecting? Me to drop everything (including my panties) and jump all giddy and excited like a 14 year old nerd when her high school’s football team captain glances in her direction? I don’t doubt that that shit works with other femmes, but not with Yours Truly (aka Sour Puss in Training).

Just give up the game and get into me. If you’re looking for thrills then get cold feet… I do not hook up on Facebook because I don’t have the time or energy to be someone’s ego boost. If you are lonely and desperate enough to try to pick up femmes on Facebook (What is the butch femme matchmaker for? If you are in the Tri-State area, why don’t you go to a NYC Butch Femme Social or a Butch/Femme Society meeting?), then you have a problem. I refuse to explain and apologize for what I just wrote. I have zero interest in a butch who lives 3,000 miles away or a butch who lives around the corner but spends more time online than doing things with real people. Butches who broadcast their every move or announce that they have met the new love of their lives every 2 weeks on Facebook give me the heebie-jeebies.

I don’t do long distance either. First, I can’t afford to have a long distance relationship the way that it would work for me (traveling every other weekend to be with my butch) and I’m not going broke for butch cock. Period. Second, at this point in my life I know I can’t go without sex for more than 48 hours. Why making myself miserable or making someone else miserable getting into a LDR? Why wasting my time and someone else’s time when all that time and energy would be much better spent writing, being with my friends, hitting the gym or going to a museum?

‘Cause the more that you try, the harder I’ll fight to say… good night! So please, stop the freaking private messages and emails. If you are in NYC, the more you chase me on Facebook the less chances you have of getting in my pants. If you are in another state, I. Can’t. Do. Long. Distance. When I go on tour, if I happen to want to have a butch in every port, I’ll use word of mouth, the matchmaker or Craigslist.

(*) on Facebook, real life is a different story :p

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3 thoughts on “I Do Not Hook Up… On Facebook

  1. Jay Tilman aka boobookitty says:

    I feel that way about femmes online too! OMG, .. as if…I should pay them the money for the plane fair to get her here! but ‘then’ they will support themselves … ah, but so goes the game of “How dumb and desperate do you think I am?”

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