Memo To The Clueless Butch 2

– The butch femme community is a small world and Facebook made it even smaller. Don’t talk shit about a femme because it’s going to get back to her.

– I repeat: don’t talk shit about a femme because it’s going to get back to her.

– If you are on a date or having coffee with a femme you are remotely interested in, don’t say you have femmes throwing themselves at you. It doesn’t make you look wanted and like a great catch. It’s a huge red flag. It makes you look needy and desperate for attention.

– It’s kind of creepy to text a femme saying you miss her when you have only seen her twice.

– Having dinner in the same diner a couple of times, going to a museum, walking the High Line or checking Chelsea Market out aren’t part of a femme’s definition of “throwing yourself at someone”.

– If you met a femme in late June, it is now August 30th, and you haven’t had sex with her yet: (a) she’s not throwing herself at you, and (b) sex is not going to happen.

– Calling a femme a slut (as an insult) is not going to make her jump in your bed.

– If you are taking every femme to the same restaurant, don’t put it on Facebook. Chances are your next victim will see it and feel less “special” when you take her to the same old restaurant.

– Same goes for weekend getaways. If you own a second home, of course it’s ok to take different femmes there. But if your only weekend getaway idea is going to P-Town, you take every femme to the same inn, and you brag about it on Facebook, chances are one of these days some femme is going to call you on your cheap-ass bullshit.

– If you pay for dinner for two spending less than $20, it’s not a date. (I refuse to explain or apologize for this one).

– If a femme hasn’t kissed you on the first date, you are already “just friends”.

– You don’t want to put your love life on hold just because you owe a shitload of money to the IRS or have crazy student loans? More power to you. You don’t have furniture, your fridge is empty, and you have bedbugs? Maybe it’s time for a reality check. Newsflash: you won’t die if you don’t date/fuck a femme for a few months.

– Treat bedbugs like a sexually transmitted disease: upfront full disclosure to any femmes you may be seeing and don’t bring anyone home till you get a clean bill of health from your exterminator. Also, don’t get offended when a femme tells you she doesn’t want to go to your house.

– When a femme would rather stay home watching Disney’s The Little Mermaid than going out with you, it’s time to step up your game.

– If a femme has told you she is a vegetarian, stop trying to push hamburgers or steaks down her throat.

– You have the right to stick to your own fashion sense. A femme has the right to not date you if you can’t live without a baseball cap or Crocs.

– If you know a femme doesn’t like butches who wear baseball caps or Crocs, you two are together and she doesn’t say anything about your wearing either or both of them: you are not on a date. She friendzoned you 2 weeks ago.

– Apologies don’t mean shit if you keep doing what you are sorry for.

– Femmes don’t need you. Femmes want you. And if you start slacking, they’ll be happy without you.

– A femme can tell when you are using her to get back at your ex.

– Only a femme can call you Papi. Calling yourself “papi” in real life or when you post pics on Facebook, is pretty creepy (for a white butch).

– When a femme says “when you get a chance…”, what she really means is “get off your ass and do it NOW”.

– The moment a femme realizes she deserves to be treated like a queen, she will never date a low brow douche bag again. Step. Up. Your. Game.

– I never chase. I replace. Remember that.

– If you live in the NYC area and haven’t come to a single NYC Butch Femme Social in the 4+ years I’ve been co-hosting, you likely won’t get very far asking me to: (a) donate to your new Kickstarter campaign, (b) spread the word about your “big upcoming gig ” or (c) support you on the release of your new movie, book, CD, fill in the blank.

4 thoughts on “Memo To The Clueless Butch 2

  1. LOL. Funny. I rarely wear baseball caps and I do not wear crocs. I do not call myself papi. I do not consider myself a clueless butch. :@) True about some butches though. LOL.

  2. Classic! You still make me laugh and question where the hell you are meeting these women?!?! Cheers.

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