Is She Really Going Out With Her?


This is a short and simple post for all the butches out there who get to this blog by googling “how to tell if a femme is single” and/or who are miserable thinking the femme of their dreams is dating a butch who doesn’t deserve them. If you are not sure if the femme you like is dating someone: ASK HER.

Here is a little newsflash: that a butch and a femme are sitting next to each other at a social gathering doesn’t mean that they are an item.

Another newsflash: just because a butch tells you s/he is dating the femme you like, you can’t assume said femme is taken.

Bonus newsflash: some people in our community are fucked up. I’m telling ya. Have you seen that photo going around on Facebook that reads: “I love rumors. I always find amazing things about me that I never knew about”? Well, it happened to me last year. Some delusional hot mess told her ex, mutual friends, and anyone who wanted to listen that we were dating which was the farthest thing from the truth. When I called her on her shit, she first apologized. Then she called me a whore (how dared I have a sex life that didn’t include her?!) and I cut all contact with her because I wasn’t interested in hearing how I was debasing myself (again, by having sex with anyone but her). Then I got wind of that she was telling people I was throwing myself at her and I set her straight. Months later mutual acquaintances were “congratulating” me for “our new relationship.” This time I didn’t bother in calling her on her shit, I set the mutual acquaintances straight and asked them to not even mention my name around her. The exact same day that happened, she was sending me pathetic one liners on Facebook (seriously, what’s wrong with people?!).

My point being that, if for six or seven months last year a stone butch was walking around telling people I was either dating or throwing myself at her, other butches may have thought I was “taken” (or worse, desperate!) the same way that you may now think the femme you like is taken. Grow some balls and ask her out.

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