The Allure Of Mature Butches


Disclaimer: Notice how I wrote “mature” instead of “geriatric” above. I know some of you get offended by the word “geriatric.” I use it as a term of endearment so don’t get your boxers twisted up in a wad!

I get a lot of flak from my friends about my dating deliciously geriatric butches. There must be something wrong with me if I go to a Butch Femme Society meeting and don’t really listen to anything anyone is saying because there’s a 60 year old hot tamale sitting next to me. There must be something wrong with me if I sit across the table from a 50 something year old stone butch moron not really listening to what she’s saying because I have already decided I’m going to sleep with her and I’m preparing the “it’s not you, it’s me” morning-after speech. There must be something wrong with me if I close my eyes when I’m seeing a “mature” musician to enjoy her music and picture her chunky, bonny wrists rubbing against mine knowing damned well that her veiny hands and long fingers are perfect for my 36DDD girls. Ok, I must admit I’m starting to sound like a geriatric chaser even to myself. Ok, I AM a geriatric chaser!

Seriously though, I think the oldest I have dated is someone in her mid 60s. That’s hardly geriatric. I like dating older butches because…

1. They are assertive. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it.
2. When they ask me out on a date, they use the word “date.” Most butches my age still ask if I want to hang out; of course, being a 2 x 4 femme, it goes over my head and I say no if I have a writing deadline coming up.
3. They are used to old school dating, pay attention to little details no one cares about anymore (from personal grooming {shiny cufflinks} to helping me remove my coat or pull out my chair), and know how to treat a femme.
4. They are romantic.
5. They have their shit together. They are not looking for a mommy. They don’t have 600 roommates. They don’t depend on a femme’s salary to make ends meet.
6. They are good writers and spellers. Oh. My. Goodness. Why is it so hard for people my age or younger to put two sentences together? Sometimes I do a second take a la Scooby Doo because I have no idea of what they just wrote via email or text message. I have to run it by my friends or google/urban dictionary it. I mean, I’m from a different country and can write semi decent English. What’s their excuse?
7. They have values and morals.
8. They appreciate what they have. They know life is too short to fool around.
9. They are over the drama of dating straight women.
10. They don’t carry the dead weight of past relationships.
11. They don’t wear makeup. Not for their employers. Not for their families. Not for anyone. Hallelujer!
12. They are sharp dressers.
13. They respect other butches and their femmes. They are over chasing taken femmes.
14. They have a sense of humor and can deal with this smart-assed señorita.
15. They have a rich history and stories to keep me interested.
16. They know who they are. They aren’t afraid of using labels like “butch” or “stone butch.” They don’t take none of that “queer” nonsense.
17. They know our history. Maybe they weren’t in Stonewall that night or they have never rallied for LGBT marriage, but they know how hard butches and femmes had to fight to be where we are right now. They know there’s a lot still to be done.
18. Same goes for feminism. They don’t look at me as if I had seven heads when I say I’m a feminist and share I’m writing/doing research about feminist history in the US and Spain, female genital mutilation, honor killing in the US, corrective rape in South Africa, political rapes in Congo or Haiti, etc.
19. They inspire me and push me to reach higher whereas a butch my age would tell me X thought/idea/project is crazy or stupid.
20. They are too old to let a femme walk all over them. I’m an alpha femme who needs a super alpha butch and 75% of butches my age are afraid of “not being nice” so they don’t put their foot down.
21. They are ok with their bodies. Is there anything more annoying than a butch with body issues who needs constant reassurance and has you stop every 2 minutes when you are in bed to remind her how beautiful her body is and how lucky you are to have her between your legs? Well, I don’t have time for that. I like butches with wrinkles, stretch marks, scars, or faded tattoos who OWN them. Nothing is sexier than self-confidence!
22. They are comfortable in their own cocks. No need to explain what a strap on is, how it works, how to put it on, or how to clean it.
23. They aren’t afraid of spending time together in silence. They don’t need to fill every freaking minute with a conversation or background noise (TV, radio, PC or laptop, iPhone, iPad, etc.)
24. They aren’t afraid of spending time apart. They don’t need to be with me 24/7.
25. They like going to museums. I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I went to a museum with someone my age or younger.
26. They’d rather be out in a museum or walking in the park than stuck at home wasting the whole day on Facebook.
27. They are the voice of reason. They give the best advice ever.
28. They are great cooks.
29. They are fun in bed. They are open minded. They don’t try “new” things: they are experts at it!
30. They’ve seen or heard it all before. I know they won’t run away when I ask for what I want in bed.
31. Something happens to a butch’s body in her late 40s – early 50s. The skin on her neck, cheeks, and earlobes gets soft, bitable, and lickable. Her fingers get deliciously bony and slightly wrinkled. A chubby bump starts forming about an inch above her wrists. Her hands are always warm and when they get close to me it’s like magic. Or electricity. What can I say? I have a wrinkles fetish!

Of course, there are exceptions to all of the above. There is…

– The butch who takes you out on a date and proceeds to yell at the waiter beaming with pride (rudeness and redneckish pride is a total turn off).
– The butch who lies more than s/he talks and has you counting down the months until the token mutual acquaintance dies of emphysema even if you haven’t seen her as much as carrying an oxygen tank (which she should have for months according to said butch’s accounts) just so you can tell for sure that she’s full of shit.
– The slimy and disgusting double or triple-dipper who needs constant attention (who has time for that?!).
– The damsel in distress chaser.
– The 50-something Romeo whose emails leave your inner grammar nazi wondering if Romeo did drugs in the 70s, has had a stroke, didn’t go to school or is simply a moron.
– The ones who have no filter and call you fat or tell you your breath stinks when you are doing Atkins – totally believing they are giving you a compliment and acting as if you were an ungrateful little bitch for not taking off your panties right there.
– The desperate, clingy butch who doesn’t know how to be alone and goes from femme to femme without giving herself time to heal between “relationships” (real or in her head).
– The butch who goes to an out of state butch-femme outing only to take her newspaper and go sit in a corner by herself (why did you leave your house in the first place?!).
– The hoarder who tells you she is single because she hasn’t found the right femme to clean and do laundry for her yet. RUN!
– The “it’s only a phase” butch who lets her femmes have physical or emotional affairs to not end up being alone.
– The paranoid butch whose previous girlfriend cheated on her and now wants you to have no privacy “to make this relationship work” (I’m sorry but the last time a butch had access to my email and writing files was NEVER).
– The hot mess who walks around in mismatched clothes with holes in them.
– The vegan who gives you the evil eye for doing Atkins while she smokes 3 packs a day.

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16 thoughts on “The Allure Of Mature Butches

  1. Pat says:

    Since I fit the “mature butch” category, I would like to thank you for all of this! It’s nice to know there are still femmes out there for us.

  2. Lee says:

    Funny. The vegan butch with the evil eye…ha, ha, ha. I did not know there are so many labels out there for butches and femmes.

  3. Barbara says:

    I’m 47 and have also developed a fondness for much older butches. Add to your list that it is very hot to feel like they see you as their hot younger woman!

  4. The Little Butch That Could (TLBTC) says:

    I agree with Jamie Ray on this one, my gal pal is 11 years older and she just keeps better. Good luck with your research and writing! Cheers.

  5. femmewife says:

    These qualities are what makes me, as a femme, love old fashioned, old school (OFOS) Butchies. Thank you for pointing out what makes them the best of the best. My Butch and I were legally married last year, and while she’s only middle aged (35), she owns all of these beautiful qualities. Rest assured bois, there are plenty of pretty ladies who will appreciate, and are looking for, a strong, respectable, respectful, gentle, polite Butch; not some rude, pretentious, disrespectful playboy. For those of you true Butchies out there, keep up the good work that keeps us femmes interested and happy.

    • María Lapachet says:

      Thanks for following this blog and for what you wrote. I agree with 99.9% of what you said. The “true Butchies” thing made me cringe. It’s not you. It’s me. Talking about “true” or “real” butches is one of my pet peeves that I’m going to explore on a future post so stay tuned.

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