I’m A Puma. Hear Me Roar

Flashback to June 2005. I’m dancing at some Pride week after after-party with a stud who keeps spinning me, calling me mamacita, and sweet talking me. I ask her how old she is and she shows me a date tattooed on her forearm. I’ve had one too many tequila sunrises to be able to do the math, but I know she is way too young for me so I leave without giving her my number.

I always thought butches my age and younger, especially Americans, had no substance. But lately I have found myself attracted to women my age partly because:

1. They ARE fun.
2. They have the moves like Jagger. Sometimes dancing with a “mature” butch can get awkward because each of you is dancing in a different decade.
3. You can go places (restaurants, bars, clubs) without people looking at you like you escaped a freak show because of the age difference.
4. They have endless energy. They can go out till 6:00 am, fuck like rabbits till 2 pm, take a short nap, and be ready to go out again.
5. They go out at “normal” hours. As much as I love and appreciate mature butches, I don’t get the concept of going to a dance party that starts at 4:30 pm and is over by 8:30 pm.
6. Some of them will pamper you and try to impress you and go above and beyond to show you that chivalry isn’t dead.
7. They are not afraid of public displays of affection whereas some of their older counterparts will never be comfortable holding a femme’s hand out in public because of how things were when they came out (3 pieces of feminine clothing anyone?).
8. They are less judgmental and less set on their ways.
9. They are more flexible in terms of who does what when in a butch/femme relationship. I rarely cook and that is a valid reason for a mature butch to not want to date me, whereas someone my age would say: “let me cook for you” or “let’s eat out tonight.”
10. Some of them are pretty bold and better at flirting than their older counterparts.
11. They have pearly smiles and almost perfect teeth.
12. They come up with the best date ideas: rock climbing and buffalo wings at a cops’ bar, beach day and Luna Park rides at Coney Island, zip-lining upstate New York, skydiving or wine tasting out East…
13. I’ll never hear: “you weren’t even born when this movie came out” again!
14. We have a similar sense of humor. No need to explain a joke or be left wondering: “what did she just say?”
15. They take better care of themselves. For instance, they smoke less than their older counterparts and they are more open to using condoms and dental dams.
16. They have less health problems. No need to sit through dinner in awkward silence while s/he tells me about her knee replacement surgery and physical therapy, her hormone replacement therapy, her cysts, and stuff like that.
17. They have less drug & substance abuse problems. I don’t know if there are any studies out there, but I think that the older generations had more problems accepting themselves and thus abused alcohol and other drugs more than the younger generations.
18. Less health problems = less medication. Less medication (specially anything that alters their brain chemistry) = less need to walk on eggshells around them.
19. If you reject them, they are totally fine with it OR they know better than throwing a tantrum on your face. Nothing more pathetic that a 60 year old stone butch asking you “why, why why oh why tell me Maria, whyyyy?” you won’t sleep with her and her bedbugs.
20. They have less baggage and less drama. Chances are they don’t have kids so you don’t have to deal with their exes as they try to co-parent. If they don’t have kids, you don’t have drama because they don’t accept their mother’s butchness or because they think you are with their mother for their money.
21. They are more active and/or open to go to the gym with me or do something outdoorsy (read between the lines, I still need a Gym Daddy).
22. They are more social, more prone to go out during the week and make me go to places (God knows I need a little push to get out of the house sometimes! {because of all the time I put in my writing})
23. I have a soft spot for young, quirky butches (think Michael Cera or Zooey Deschanel, but in butch).
24. They are so cute with their Justin Bieber’s hair and cocky smiles!
25. They are not hung up on the age difference. No need to reassure them that I’m not running away with a 20 years younger butch kitchen cabinets maker!
26. Less jealousy = less need to try to control me.
27. They are great with new technologies (I still haven’t uploaded my gym playlist on my fake iPod {out of plain laziness I must add}).
28. You can be their first awesome adult relationship. They love that you talk things out instead of throwing a tantrum, giving them the silent treatment, withholding sex (I couldn’t do it even if they paid me to!) or doing every shitty thing a femme has done to them before you.
29. Once a month, when my hormones wreak havoc and I start freaking out because my eggs are drying up inside me, I think a butch my age or younger would make a better partner not-so-down-the-road (i.e. I want to be a mother soon and I want my partner to be young and full of energy so that she can keep up with our kids and me).
30. Some of them are as allergic to the U-Haul as I am when my hormones aren’t running the show.
31. If you (or your hormones) buy into the growing old together happy ending, then 55 years together are more possible than if you date someone 30 years your senior with a foot in her grave.

3 thoughts on “I’m A Puma. Hear Me Roar

  1. I’m a Jaguar. I admit it, I like younger women. Point in case, I’m currently dating a woman 20 years younger than me. And neither of us is bothered by age. Age isn’t anything but a number. And not all older butches are the same. I enjoy going to the gym, 4-5 times a week as well as running outside and biking 50 miles with friends. I always hold hands with my girl, put my arm around her waist and kiss her in public. I don’t give a good damn who is watching and who doesn’t like it. She cooks, but so can I. And I do laundry, wash the dishes and clean the apartment. I have the occasional sports injury, but other than that, healthy as a horse. I don’t smoke, nor do I eat meat. And I don’t judge those that do. That’s your thing, I can’t be concerned with what you eat. I know I won’t cook it, so there’s that. I have the occasional social drink or a beer at home, but I I’m not an alcoholic, nor do I do drugs. I am NOT 420-friendly. Lastly, I have an iPod, an iPad, and iPhone and a Mac. I freaking love technology. I download music, share videos and use Photoshop regularly.
    These are just a few points I’ve touched base on because not all older butches have these hangups. There are a few of us rare breeds that can not only keep up with younger femmes, but surpass your expectations. I’m stepping down off my soapbox now.

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