A couple of femme acquaintances have asked me how do I find butches and where can they go meet quality butches other than LGBT bars. First and foremost, I think that when you are looking you tend to attract the crazies, the psychos, the ones you shouldn’t touch even with a 30 foot pole… in short, the ones you need to stay away from.
Second, I think that, as a femme, one needs to work on herself and the rest of the pieces will fall into place on their own. Believe me, I have been there: I know how hard femme invisibility is. But, like I wrote last year, once you switch your energy from meeting butches to doing you (taking up a new hobby, going to the gym, volunteering, doing what makes you happy), they start popping out of nowhere and on your direction like crazy.
Here are a few options for Tri-State area femmes (and if you are somewhere else you can still take what fits you):
– Butch Femme Society meetings – the Butch Femme Society open monthly meetings are held on the third Wednesday of each month at 6:30 pm at the LGBT Center (208 West 13th Street).
– NYC Butch Femme Outings – the location and date changes from month to month. Best way to keep up to date is liking its Facebook page.
– Butch/Femme and (gag) queer events and ongoing series like Boxers Off: NYC Butch Burlesque or Queer Memoir.
– Butch conferences a la Butch Voices.
– LGBT Film Festivals like NewFest.
– LGBT classes – salsa, ballroom dancing, cooking, drawing… check your local LGBT Center’s boards or Craigslist.
– Butch Femme Matchmaker. Self-explanatory.
– Okcupid, plenty of fish, match.com… I don’t use them because ain’t nobody got time for that. Some of my friends have gone out on great dates with butches they have met there.
– iPhone and android apps like Brenda, Kik, and whatever young kids are using these days. I had Brenda for 2 full days before I got tired of not finding butches in my age range and zip code LOL
– Facebook groups… mmm… I joined most of the butch-femme groups, left, and now pledge the 5th. I wouldn’t waste any of my romantic/sexy/nawty time with anyone I met on Facebook. But then, who am I to be so high on my horse, right?
– Butch Femme Kink – whatever happened to that website?
– LSM workshops and parties.
– Whole Foods – you may have to hit her with a 2×4, but yes, I have met butches in Whole Foods. Unfortunately I was taken at the time so nothing ever came out of it.
– Museums – discretely follow her around 2 or 3 rooms to make sure she is alone and then hit her with a 2×4 to make sure she “sees” you.
– Your local church or synagogue – If you are mileycyrusing on me (whaaaat?!) let me give you some pointers: Metropolitan Community Church of New York, 446 West 36th Street, New York, NY 10018; The Church of St. Francis Xavier, Mary Chapel, 55 West 15th Street, New York, NY 10011; North Presbyterian Church, 525 West 155 Street, New York, NYC 10032; In the Life Ministries, 1450 Commerce Avenue, Bronx, NY 10461; Unity Fellowship Church, 2578 Atlantic Ave., Brooklyn, NY 11207; and Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, 57 Bethune Street, New York, NY 10014.
– AA/NA/SA meetings – not my thing, but if you are sober you are bound to meet butches at different stages of recovery there.
– Off-leash dog parks and dog day cares.
– You apartment building or the laundromat.