What Can You Buy For A Butch Who Has Everything?


Some of you get to this blog in a pickle because it’s your butch’s birthday or Valentine’s Day/Christmas are around the corner and you have no idea of what to get her. I know I like to repeat myself, but I really see nothing wrong with free gifts that come from the heart.

These are some of the things I have given as gifts or been asked for this year:

– Broadway tickets
– a pair of nice cufflinks from Tiecoon
– a Louis Vuitton messenger bag (*) filled with her favorite candy and a bottle of wine
– spa day – option #1: if you are together, book a couples package
– spa day – option #2: if you aren’t an item, aren’t sleeping together, and the thought of getting a massage next to your butch best friend feels too weird, either (a) get a mani & pedi while she’s getting a massage or (b) get her a gift card to her favorite spa
– colon hydrotherapy/colonic irrigation (yes, a butch DID ask for this as a birthday gift, and Hell NO, I didn’t give it to her (**)
– self-care kit: Montagne Jeunesse’s anti stress masks (chocolate and cucumber), Clarins’ exfoliating cream with a store brand scrubbing glove, a shitload of chocolate, and a bottle of wine.
– Breaking Bad gift set: the Breaking Bad complete DVD set, Breaking Bad soundtrack, periodic table Wurkin Stiffs‘ cufflinks, and blue razz Pop Rocks, with something else fake-crystal-meth related that I can’t remember.
– funky socks
– a Nike Fuel SE bracelet
– flowers
– six or seven books from her Amazon wish list (bought locally when possible)
– a few DVDs and a “just because” thinking about you card
– bowties from Wonder Lee
– a cufflinks collector case and 5 pairs of cufflinks to start the collection (I do have a cufflink fetish in case you haven’t noticed)
– personalized black leather money holder
– retro flask
– letting her pay for everything (something that makes butches happy, but still makes my inner feminist’s skin crawl {it’s down to only 20% of the time})
– taking her to her favorite restaurant and/or having a romantic candle-lit dinner at home
– day trips to Atlantic City (NJ), New Haven (CT) or Fire Island (NY).
– a weekend getaway: Atlantic City (NJ), Mohegan Sun (CT), the Catskills (NY)… or simply pet sitting for that friend who lives out East in Long Island
– letting her vent about her relationship problems without chiming in with my unsolicited 2 cents.
– not punching her in the face (which she deserved SO bad *triple eye rolling here*)
– “just because” Vosges chocolate
– a fitbit
– a super corny Pick-Me Up kit (some of my femme friends got one too!)

Of course, since I’m a little ray of sunshine with a Party City addiction, 99.9% of the above has been given in bags or boxes filled with confetti and glitter. Wheeeeeeee!

(*) a la Chinatown!
(**) my unsolicited 2 cents: don’t mess with your ass more than strictly needed. Anal sex? Yes. Colonics? No. There must be a good reason why we all are born with intestinal flora.

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