No, I’m not playing for the other team now. I asked my friends and acquaintances what are the advantages of dating a femme as opposed to a femme-identifying feminine lesbian, bisex or straight woman (cultural appropriation anyone?).
After her own self-discovery and acceptance journey, a femme:
– Values you.
– Respects you.
– Gives you the place you deserve in her life. The younger generations have close-to-none bio-male baby-daddy drama because they know having a child with a butch and a little bit of borrowed/bought sperm is an option. The older generations know better than to give a bio-male more power in her life and relationship than her husbutch has.
– Doesn’t criticize or belittle your ideas. She gets you and is your first cheerleader.
– Knows that when you open the door for her, take out the garbage, build her a walk-in closet, put your arms around her shoulders… you are not repeating heteronormative behaviors, wanting to be a man, or marking your territory. You are simply showing her that you care.
– Doesn’t want to change you. She loves the way you dress, they way you smell, and your haircut. No need for crazy trips to Macy’s or Sephora to see if she can talk you into wearing a dress or “minimal” makeup “so you don’t look like a truck driver.”
– Doesn’t keep you in a closet. She is proud of you. She wants you to come with her to family or work events. She isn’t afraid or ashamed of walking down the street holding your hand or with your arm around her waist. With a femme, you won’t see none of that nonsense of living together, but having “single, interested in men” on her Facebook profile.
– Doesn’t need you to teach her how to be a femme.
– Doesn’t need you to explain to her what the butch/femme dance is about.
– Understands a butch/stone butch’s heart and desires.
– Makes sex hot. Doesn’t question what you like/dislike in the bedroom. Doesn’t take it personal if a stone butch doesn’t like to be touched and doesn’t make it her mission in life to “break the stone.”
– Doesn’t isolate you. Doesn’t ask you to drop all your butch/femme friends or stop going to butch/femme gatherings because she doesn’t like labels.
– Doesn’t have a problem with you being friends with other femmes. No need to “keep it on the low” when you go to the movies or receive a gift from that femme friend you have known for years.
– Doesn’t have a problem with you buying a nice gift for one of your femme friends when her birthday or Hanukkah/Christmas come around.
– Pays attention to the little details. If you are allergic to seafood, she’s not going to take you to Red Lobster for your birthday.
– Knows you wash your dirty laundry at home. Doesn’t like crazy public confrontations, won’t embarrass you in front of your family or friends, and won’t badmouth you to anyone who wants to listen.
– Is not afraid to call you on your shit when you are not holding on to your end of the bargain.
– Knows when it’s time to move on. Unless you have children together, she doesn’t hang around with your friends and family after you have broken up (guess what? Because she has her own!).