Some of my friends are in a Valentine’s Day gift buying frenzy – sparing no expense to get anything from flowers to Beyoncé tickets at $1,300 a piece to weekends in Atlantic City or new boobs… while thinking about leaving their significant others (Excuse me? And you have the balls to tell me I’m the one who has a problem because I’ve been single forever?). It’s easy for me to say it because I’m single and I already got the Best Valentine’s Day Gift Ever (not telling), but, in my humble opinion, if I were in a relationship and Valentine’s Day gifts were exchanged, the only thing I would ask for is self-care.
“Self-care” as in “a butch taking care of her shit mentally, physically, and spiritually so I don’t need to be her doctor, mother, and therapist.”
I like to think that if I’m in a relationship and my butch gets diagnosed with cancer I won’t run for the hills. Life throws you curveballs, but – in my modest, single femme opinion – you are much better equipped to handle them when you have a partner who uplifts you instead of dragging you down. It breaks my heart to look around and see gorgeous femmes (both inside and out) stuck in bad relationships with butches with X number of preventable diseases and mental problems that could be fixed if they went to therapy and followed their doctors’ directions. Femmes who can’t give themselves a break to be sick or leave the house to get a many or pedi because their partners depend on them to bring the bacon home, clean, cook for them, prepare their pills, move and play mother/doctor.
Relationships are a two way street. To me, “self-care” also means “me taking care of my shit mentally, physically, and spiritually so no one needs to be my doctor, mother and therapist.” “Self-care” as in “me being financially independent so I don’t need a butch to be my bank.” “Self-care” as in “me being happy with myself so that I don’t settle for the first asshole who tells me s/he loves my bedroom eyes.” Bottom line, “self-care” as in “me being well enough on my own that I can choose to be with a butch because I love her and not love a butch because I need her.” Makes sense?