The Long Lost Art Of Dating

Dear butches who ask femmes out on dates using the word “date,” touch base during the week/days prior to the date, plan a great evening and dress accordingly, are on time or give us a heads up if you get stuck in traffic, pick us up from home or the subway entrance (sometimes with flowers, always with a great smile), open the door for us – whether your car’s or a restaurant’s, make us walk inside the curbside so if a car hits us, it hits you first; help us with our coats, pull out our chair, ask the right questions during dinner and don’t make it all about you, your ex, your cat or your financial problems; stand up when we go/come back from the ladies room, have great table manners (including not checking your phone every two damned minutes!), pick the check / don’t accept our offer to go dutch, have a plan B ready (rooftop bar, coffee shop, park, piers…) if dinner goes well and you don’t want the night to end; slide over if we share a cab, take us home or walk us to the subway and give us a goodnight kiss, make sure we call to say we are home safe if you didn’t drive us home (and, more importantly, even if you are not into us!), call the day after asking for a second date or simply saying you are not that into us instead of ghosting… where are you hiding?

Dear femmes who give your numbers only to butches you are truly interested in, pick up the phone when they call, say yes to a date and don’t cancel, don’t tell the butch that you have other plans for later that night as if you were doing her a favor for letting her take you out for dinner before the real fun begins, understand that a butch touching base pre-date doesn’t mean they are needy, get your hair done, squeeze in a mani and pedi and some waxing before your date, find out if there will be walking involved so you can wear sensitive shoes (still cute and sexy but maybe not five inch heels), pick three or four outfits that match the shoes in advance, change your outfit five minutes before the butch picks you up, don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu, don’t make it all about you, your ex and your cats; don’t check your phone every two minutes, listen to and ask questions to the butch sitting in front of you, don’t rush through dinner, pretend you’ll pay your half but let the butch take care of dinner, gently let her down if you are not interested… where have you gone? (hashtag: asking for a friend)

Is it me or no one gives a shit about dating anymore?