Due to popular demand, right out of the mouths and emails from friends, acquaintances, and perfect strangers, here is how a butch or stone butch lets a femme know she is into her:
– Making eye contact OR not making eye contact
– Smiling a lot when she is around her
– Introducing herself to the femme if they don’t know each other yet
– Staying nearby and sneak peeking at the femme OR staying in the background and observing her from a distance
– Complimenting her without making it too obvious
– Touching her in a non sexual way – something small and almost unnoticeable like touching her arm, holding her hand, touching her hair when you help her take off or put her coat back on.
– Listening to what she says and making sure the femme knows she’s paying attention
– Telling a few jokes to find out if the femme enjoys her company and sense of humor
– Finding out her favorite mode of communication (chat, text, call, Skype) because she plans to communicate via that mode
– “Just because” text messages and phone calls
– Burning her a CD or downloading a playlist to her iPod
– Interacting with her friends to find out where the femme will be – this specific butch said she wants to know everything about a femme and everywhere she is going which, mmm, is kind of borderline stalking in my book.
– Asking one of the femme’s friends if she thinks the femme is into her – I do not recommend doing this for two reasons: (a) the femme’s friend may like the butch for herself or may not even be a real friend (b) the femme may not want to be with a butch who acts as if she were in high school (i.e. grow some balls!).
– Finding out common hobbies or pastimes so that she can plan ahead and ask the femme out on a date
– Making plans to go somewhere – something casual like a coffee date – to get to know her a little better before asking her out on a date (and that’s where this other butch lost me!)
– Making plans to go out with a group of butches and femmes so that she can observe the femme without the pressure of being on an official date
– Being extra careful to make sure she never embarrasses the femme in front of her friends, relatives or colleagues.
– Buying her drinks or dinner, flowers, or something she mentioned to show her she was paying attention
– Flirting openly
Which brings me (us?) back to square one: not knowing if a butch is into me unless she says so. I can’t know for sure if a butch likes-likes me unless she opens her mouth because most of my friends do all of the above and – to my knowledge – none of them wants to get in my pants.