Today is International Butch Appreciation Day and the first thing that comes to mind is how grateful I am for the butches in my life. It sounds clichéd but I am truly blessed with butches who help me move apartments, make me feel like a princess by being chivalrous whether or not we are dating, take my calls at 3:00 am when I’m heartbroken (wait a minute, I have a heart?!) or dying of Ebola (drama queen much?), hide my Disney plush toys if we are in a hotel and another butch unexpectedly shows up and I’m still in the bathroom (wait! What? Oh yes I do!), encourage my Hello Kitty addiction, come to the Disney Store with me and don’t pretend they don’t know me, send me loads of never-opened fancy lube they need to get rid of before they move, let me play with their dogs, get dressed and come over with chilled prosecco at 4:00 am for a booty call, change their plans last minute to join me on crazy adventures around the city, organize weekend road trips, call me on my shit, understand last minute plan cancellations because I work crazy hours, and leave me speechless with their amazing grace (how sweet the sound) when they show compassion and take the high road despite going through the craziest things a butch could go through.
Showing your appreciation for the butches in your life doesn’t have to take a lot of time or money. Something as simple as a text (“Happy International Butch Appreciation Day! Thank you for not being a fuckboi”) will do.
More small little things that could go a long way year-round:
– Tell them you love them (and mean it!) daily. Maybe you tell her you love her before you go to work, when you are about to hang up the phone, or before you go to sleep. Try to be spontaneous. Don’t let routine kill the meaning of your I love yous.
– Don’t take them for granted. Let them know how lucky you feel and how much you appreciate every little thing they do for you from doing the dishes to paying half the rent/mortgage, co-parenting, doing the laundry or making breakfast while you sleep in…
– Love yourself and take care of yourself so they can love you because they want to and not out of some sense of responsibility. No one wants to be their girlfriend’s doctor/therapist/personal trainer 24/7.
– Ignore your phone when you are together. Live your relationship for you and not for people you don’t even know who (you think) follow your every move on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat.
– Give them space when they need space. Sometimes, when work or other relationships (friends, family) get too heavy, butches tend to withdraw and go into a quiet mood. Let them be.
– You don’t need to be together 24/7. Give her some room to breathe, do her own thing, and have her own interests. If they ask you to join them, good. If they don’t? It’s not the end of the world.
– Hold them close when they need to be held. Nothing wrong (no brownie points lost) with a butch having a bad day.
– Tell them they are beautiful/handsome and not only because of their looks but inside out. Yes, butches need to hear this too!
– Let them chill with their friends. Whether you are just friends or in a relationship, you don’t need to be present every single time she goes out with her friends.
– Don’t let them be the ones who always have to plan things and surprise you. Get tickets to their favorite game/movie, plan exciting nights out, book tickets to a winery tour with chauffer included so you both can drink…
– Pamper them. Maybe they are not into spa days, why not dropping them off at their favorite golf course instead?
– If you’re watching TV or doing something stupid or whatever, stop, look into their eyes and tell them you love them.
– Surprise her with nights in. Spice it up. I can believe it’s 2016 and I still have to write this: take the initiative. There’s nothing wrong with a femme making the first move.
– Wake them up at 4:00 am to tell them you love them. Just kidding. Wake them up at 4:00 am to have hot steamy sex, and let them roll over and go back to sleep.
– Cook their favorite meal. Not on top of my list/a top priority for domestically challenged me. I can’t remember the last time I cooked for a butch but I do pay attention, know their favorite restaurant and have something delivered if we are celebrating something.
– Hug them out of the blue, look at them in the eyes, and tell them: “I’m so happy you are not a fuckboi!”
– Don’t cheat. If you are not happy, end the relationship. Yes, it is that plain and simple.