How To Know If You Have Been Friendzoned

When a femme…

– lets you see her not so glamorous side (yoga pants, workout clothes, no makeup)
– does her makeup in front of you
– changes her shoes or takes out her contact lenses in front of you
– talks to you in detail about her diet and sends you pics of what she’s eating before EVERY meal
– would rather stay home watching The Little Mermaid than hanging out with you
– is always busy when you ask her to hang out
– doesn’t engage you at all when you drop subtle and not-so-subtle hints that you like her
– responds with “aww you are too cute!” to your sexual innuendos or doesn’t respond at all
– cringes when you try to hold her by the waist if you are walking or use the arm-around-shoulder move at the movies
– would rather stick to her waxing & drinks out with a friend plans rather than change them to meet you for dinner
– asks who else is coming when you propose going to the movies or a museum (newsflash: if you don’t use the word “date” she may think you just want to hang out as friends)
– invites you over for lunch and a movie AND all you do is eat lunch and watch a movie
– throws hints at you that she’s not into you
– talks to you about her crush or her ex ad nauseam
– texts you at 2 am to talk some sense into her because she wants to go to her ex’s apartment to beg her to spank her happy
– responds with a “friends night!” when you ask: “date night?”
– makes sure you know it’s not a date when you make plans and you drop a causal “it’s a date!” in your last email
– tells you when she is horny for other butches
– tells you she doesn’t want to sleep with you
– is careful not to use pet names or terms of endearment with you like “babe” or “handsome” which you know she uses with other butches to let them know she’s interested
– tells you she’s craving Nutella and butch cock (anyone’s but yours!)
– tells you she is taking a break from dating, but forgets about it and goes out with other butches
– tells you she has a good thing going on and it’s going to take a lot to change that then dates a loser who has nothing to offer
– tells you every little detail about her dates with other butches
– texts you pics of first date outfits or, even worse, asks you to go shopping with her so you can tell her if her crush will like that dress
– asks you to be her “wingbutch” or introduce her to “that hot butch” over there
– thinks you are the perfect butch… for someone else. She offers to hook you up with one of her single friends or introduce you to any femme you want at a butch/femme outing
– travels/gets to a butch/femme outing with you and tells you she doesn’t want to sit next to you at said event so that people don’t think you are together
– tells you: “if only I could find a butch like you, one that I were sexually attracted to, I would be set for life”
– keeps dropping “my friend” or “you are a good friend” in her text messages or emails
– tells you she left the spa in tears because they ruined her cuca, no butch will ever find it attractive, and asks you where you get yours done
– tells you she is PMSing or has her period going into every freaking bloody detail
– tells you when she is having friend drama with other people and wonders why can’t all her friends be as good friends as you
– tells you you are like her lost twin brother from a different mother or the older sister she always wished she had
– tells you that you are just friends

You have been friendzoned.

5 thoughts on “How To Know If You Have Been Friendzoned

  1. Very funny but then again I don’t think I would want to be in that “friendzone” either. . . I don’t normally care what my femme friends wear on dates, nor what they are eating for their diets and I don’t even know what a “cuca” is. LOL Cheers.

  2. Hello Lapachet i am Lee. Let me add one more. You tell her you are single and she tells you to go to butch femme matchmaker. Com…sounds familiar? I told you i am single and that was your response.

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